Life and Living 2024. Saol is Saolaíocht 2024

I was walking downtown recently when a fear óg walked out of his workplace, obviously on his break. His first interaction with the free world was to whip out the packet of cigarettes and light up. Now when this health damaging exercise was in full puff, he whipped out the phone and pressed a number. When it was answered he enquired How’re you, how’s the crack, which I found a rather strange opening line. He was strolling along down the street just ahead of me and the next part of his phone narrative really stunned me when he said, ‘f--- off you c---'. I just thought to myself that society language is getting more coarse.

When I was going to primary and secondary school, we had a book called courtesy for boys and girls dealing with proper manners and respect. We had lots of lessons on how to address people respectfully like Mr, Mrs, Father, Sister.  The above form of address was never heard of, and needless to say, we didn’t have phones then either to express rudeness so readily.

 I remember class lessons on opening and closing a door, catching the handles on either side and opening and closing it properly and quietly. We also had to check to see that if someone was coming behind us. We had to keep the door open for them, or if someone held it open for us, we had to thank them. This was an accepted part of life in our school days. You might call it regimental or over disciplined, but it was the accepted norm then and maybe it should be reintroduced now.

Courtesy for Boys and Girls was published in 1962 by The Christian Brothers and sanctioned by The Department of Education. It was widely used in schools and homes in the Ireland of the sixties. The purpose of the book was to provide parents and teachers with the basic rules of courtesy for young people growing up that era. There were fifteen chapters in it dealing with such diverse matters as table manners, proper dress, cleanliness [next to godliness] proper deportment, proper conversation, respect for the church, respect for school, sports field behaviour, visiting friends’ houses rules, behaviour in public, letter writing, civic mindedness and we also had volunteering emphasised and were encouraged to do some voluntary work.

I just love this little gem from the courtesy book"A man or boy rises for all introductions. Even when not being introduced, a girl should always stand up when an older woman comes up to speak to her.. It is a gracious little courtesy, which will be appreciated. Boys and men should never remain seated in the presence of women who are standing'. The early sixties were different times .We were living in pre equality times.

 Two other great habits taught to us were to think before we spoke and to be kind in our words. We had exercises in this with one teacher insisting they we count to ten before we speak and then it had to be a good comment. My teacher's words still ring in my ears "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing"

During my own teaching life, I always endeavoured to find people doing something good and to let them know immediately trying to build up a community of sharing praise and goodness.

I read a piece recently entitled, “Catch Everyone”, by Ken Blanchard, which I liked:

“Good feelings generated from catching people doing things right can be habit-forming. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself passing along praise to your next-door neighbour, your yoga teacher, your postal carrier, or the cashier or bagger at the grocery store. Good thoughts not communicated are meaningless. But positive praise creates a significant energy boost in both the giver and the receiver. So, let’s all catch people doing something right”.

Finally, just deviating slightly off the courtesy trail, I must say that I am not a fan of the “It’s not my job” attitude which prevails in today’s world. It’s mam's or dads’ job, It’s the council’s job, the state should do that. If it’s a simple enough job, go ahead and do it yourself. So, let’s all take the kind, helpful, respectful approach to living and to people we meet on our daily journey through life.

If you meet a person while out walking greet them cheerily and if you see something that needs doing, do it in a voluntary and cheery capacity. Give a helping hand, pull that weed, bring all litter home, say thank you and excuse me more often. Remember that well-worn comment that actions will always speak louder than words.

Avoid, as far as possible the “It’s not my job” attitude. You will feel better for it and your community will also benefit greatly. Mar a deirtear i nGaeilge "Is ar scáth a chéile a mhairimíd."

Mick O Callaghan July 27th, 2024